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I do not know if this happens to anybody else.  The fact that we feel like we need somebody else to be happy.  Somebody else to succeed.  Somebody else to provide us with what we do not have.  It is this feeling of not being able to do it on our own.  It is this desire to constantly be searching for a partner to help us through…

But when it comes down to it…We are here…where we are…

Along the way there are people that help and that pay their own price.  I know that I just wrote about that…but ultimately it us that have to follow through.  Ultimately nobody else is going to step up and be great for you.  It is something that we have to accomplish on our own.  And I guess this realization comes as we understand that God is with us and we are enough.

It is just amazing the ways that God will helps us along the way.  She or he will put people or situations in our path that will help us get farther and farther and ultimately reach our goal.  All this to say that we should not force relationships that were not meant to be for fear of being alone.  For fear that without the other person we will not get far enough.

Our Greatest Fear —Marianne Williamson

it is our light not our darkness that most frightens us

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

 

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.

 

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

 

You are a child of God.

 

Your playing small does not serve the world.

 

There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other

 

people won’t feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

—Marianne Williamson

 

Let us stop being afraid of ourselves.  Of our power of being happy with what we are and with what he have. 

I write this last line with a little bit of reluctance because it sounds like some new age bullshit advice I am giving.  That is not what I meant to say at all.  I just wanted whoever read this if anybody reads this to realize how very special and capable you are.  And even as I am writing this I think about the things that I have accomplished without the help of that one savior.

True sometimes I wish that prince charming would just come and wisk me away.  My prince charming is of course rich and he would help me with every single one of my financial problems including the big one that I have right now: paying for law school.  Prince charming unfortunately, is taking a long time to show up. 

In his absence I have to get up everyday at 5:30 AM to take two buses to go to work.  I have to make myself write self absorbed essays about how great I am in order for some random scholarship committee to  find me worthy enough of receiving some aid.  I  have to beg people that I admire for letters about my competence.  It is a process that as you can guess I do not like and find a little bit immodest.   Alas, I do it because in the absence of my savior I have to be enough.  And I am enough.

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2 Comments

  1. Glad you are writing again and that you are ok =).

  2. i too feel that “need” and infact i thought i had found some one. but it all kind of fell apart. Fortunately it is from these experiences that we must learn from and i came to a similar conclusion as yours


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