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I am afraid to grow attached to the man that is not for me. Afraid that he might become attached to me. Afraid of hurting him and afraid of getting hurt. Cutting a fruit down before it ripens is not a good idea you never know what could have been you never know if that fruit would have provided a sweet meal or if it would have fallen to the grown and rotten.
I dont want fruit at the moment. Its just like all the other things I have to put on hold. I just feel like right now I am not in the best condition to be in a relationship. Although sometimes I like the company that the opposite sex provides. I feel though that later on when all my life is put together I will be able to find somebody and it will be someone that I want to be with because I want it not because I miss it.
Again I feel like my whole life is about waiting. And I guess life itself is about waiting. The depressing way to think about it is that we all just wait for death.
I have to be more positive. I have to think about what I do have now and not what I could have. I am the one that has to change my life with faith in the creator and no one else. I am in charge of my destiny.
All this because of a fruit..i mean a boy…i guess a man.

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3 Comments

  1. I think I know what you mean in this post. Since I still live at home and my mom has always been pretty strict as far as my social life goes, dating was never really something on my mind until now, when guys are starting to ask.

    And I let myself get excited until I realized it’s yet another thing I can’t do right now. Not b/c I’m physically unable to be in a relationship, but b/c the other person will eventually want to know details about you, and go places etc.

    But it’s hard to know who to trust as far as revealing your status goes, and not being able to drive or having money is usually a hindrance in the dating game.

    I regret having to say no to someone who could potentially be the right person for me, but I keep telling myself all of this waiting will eventually pay off. I just wish I believed that as much as I used to.

  2. are you serious free2be? c’mon don’t put your love life on hold. Honestly if it is somebody that is worth it then they’ll understand. if they really care about you. and so what if they break up w/u because you are so limited to do certain things? just move on to the next one. until you find someone who instead of leaving you will ask how can they help you with your situation.
    it’ll go like this: “let’s go here” and u’ll say “I don’t have money for that” he’ll ask you “go on this trip with me” you’ll say “I can’t travel” he’ll ask “meet me at this place” you’ll say” I don’t have a car” he’ll say “get one” u’ll say “no cash or liscense” he’ll say “get a better job and a liscense” u’ll say “I can’t I’m an illegal immigrant” he’ll either leave you or ask you how you can fix the situation. u’ll say: “marriage”

  3. lol, When I think about forbidden fruit for people in our situation I think more along the lines of a great education, a normal job, a driver’s license. I know what you’re saying though. A huge problem I have is letting people get close. This situation turns you into a compulsive liar. You have to lie about why you aren’t a citizen yet but are so into politics. You have to lie about why you don’t have a job but complain about not having money. It’s hard to get close to someone when they’re sharing all their secrets with you and you can’t share yours because it’s not only you on the line but your whole family that depends on you to keep this secret. On DAP people lied and said they had too many DUIs to get a license than tell the truth! yeah, I see what you mean, you can’t have a really meaningful relationship if you can’t be honest and that’s really not an option.


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