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the top of the ocean seemed so close. my opened and salty water came into them making them sting but above me the dim light of the sun distorted by the miles of water had appeared. i wanted so badly to get a breath of fresh air to pull to the surface and just breath. my lungs were ready to feel the sensation of air feeling them. in my head i thought that maybe it would never happen. it had been so long since my body had experienced air rushing air and refreshing every single cell giving them the necessary oxygen to go on with life. i just wanted to breath.
i could feel the heaviness of my insides yearning for just a little breath. i had to concentrate as much as possible to keep my mouth shut and my nose closed because my brain was saying breath breath. i do not think that my body understood the environment i was in. it was somewhere that i did not belong. i needed to get out. i needed to breath. i made my legs kick harder my hands pull the water down.
the sun was there i could see it. i wanted to just reach it and let my face bathe in it while my lungs expanded so as to give life to my body. i could imagine myself breathing. i could feel the air in my nose. i had to try harder. i had to fight to reach the surface. it was just me at the point.

then all of the sudden i felt someone tugging at my legs. someone trying to come up with me. instead they pulled me down. i had to make it up. i had to just breath why could not this person understand that life was waiting for me at the surface. why could they just not let go and let me up. i would come back to get them or they would reach the top with me. instead they were wasting their energy to pull me down. maybe it was because they did not see how close the surface was. maybe it was because they were selfish and wanted me to stay down. maybe it was just they did not know any better. whatever it was i could not let them pull me down.
i needed the air or i would drown.



  1. Hey, I just wanted to say that I am in love with your blog. This is free2be from DAP, btw. The blogging thing has died down with a lot of people, myself included (but I’m working on it), so it’s cool you keep your blog going. I really like your writing style and the different perspectives you bring; keep up the good work.

  2. hi this is cestlavie from dap and what you wrote on this entry literally happened to me when I was younger. and my nanny was too busy flirting with some guy to notice I as drowning.

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