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I used to love for Friday to come around. It used to be my favorite day. The eve of the weekend; when there is all the possibility for the next few days there. A day when people are just ready to kick back their shoes and relax or party. But now Fridays have come to have no meaning. And Saturdays are even worse. They are by far the worst day as far as TV shows are concerned. It is a day when I get restless and just want to go out and explore, but most of the time I cannot because my mom is paranoid. That is right I am twenty-two years old and I live with a paranoid mother who loves me very much but cannot go to sleep until I am in bed. This makes it so that even on Saturdays I have to go to sleep early. My life is, indeed, one uneventful day after another.

I do not love this life. And yes sometimes I feel guilty that I do nothing. The reason I do not work is because I do not have a number. I know that there are plenty of people that work without it, but my parents have always been of the opinion that it is best not to get caught, and so they do not encourage me or even help me try to find work. To tell the truth, I do not think I even know how it is done. I just do not know how to walk into a place to be hired knowing that I have no paperwork to show them. I guess I inherited a little bit of paranoia from my mother.
I do not volunteer anywhere because I live in a small town and to non-profit agencies are usually two bus rides away. That means spending money that eventually adds up and that since I do not work I just do not have.
Now I know that both of those things are maybe just excuses for not working or really doing anything. Everybody eventually has to jump over those hurdles and just “go for it” but I have not done it.

Now that I have explained all that, I wanted to get to the point. I literally stay at home all day and do whatever I want. If I want to cook and clean I do and if I do not want to I do not. My mother is okay with both. I do take care of a little kid because his mother needed the help but I do not get paid and if I need to do something that day then I leave him with my mom. So LI TE RA LLY I am free to do whatever I want for the day. Usually, I just stay home but sometimes I will go for walks and I will go to the store and find stuff to make for dinner. Then I watch TV and go online to look at blogs. All the time I am by myself as most of my friends are still away at college.

I have been stripped of a lot of things. My school work which I used to keep my self busy and maybe even hide behind. My friends who have informed a lot of my world view. My freedom as my parents have to check up on me every single day. My ambitions since at the moment I have no money to keep going on with them. This is my little cocoon. And it can get lonely.

In the absolute boredom that is my life I have found myself. My life had seemed like a constant set of landmarks that I had reached or that I had to reach. I had to graduate from high school and then in four years graduate from college and then immediately go to law school and graduate then get a job and work for two years and then get another job and in between that time get married and have children one after the other and then then….

Stripped of it all, I have a lot of time to get to know who I am. When the days turn into each other time becomes a little bit irrelevant and all the pressures of life just sort of fade away. I am just suspended in the air by myself, growing expanding, getting to now myself in a little protected cocoon.


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