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I am a fragmented person, and my fragmented self cannot figure out a way to put all of the pieces together.

I am daughter, sister, granddaughter. Innocent. Wide-eyed. Loving and willing to take on the world. Patient sometimes and other times plain dismissive. Helpful, inspirational, role-model, loved. I am student. Intelligent. Resourceful and diligent. I am also curious and hard working. I like to question and then find answers. I am friend. Wild and crazy, fun-loving. independent, strong woman. Party-girl. I am girlfriend and lover caring and careful. Quiet and thoughtful. Young and vulnerable.

When I was in high school, I almost never wanted to bring my work home. I realize now that was because I did not want my parents to worry. I realize now that that was the beginning of separating myself. I had a school life filled with work and friends and then I had a home life filled with chores and family. At that time, my friends almost never came to visit me at home and I never went to their house either. When I went away from college, I was able to discover even more different parts of me. My fragmented selves.

I just cannot imagine bringing all those lives and identities together. I see them as being separate and although they might be able to coexist, it is as though, I want them to live in separate little spheres. It seems a little hard to have to do it all. But it seems even harder to have all my fragmented pieces coexist. I just do not really know if I would be able to explain my party girl, wild crazy self to my parents who have always known the docile curious girl who stays away from that. I just do not see how to make the strong independent woman that I am when I am with friends meet the girl who wants to be protected and held when she is with him. The researcher and studious person I have in me does not want to bother my parents with stuff that they are not interested in. They just all seem to live in different spheres, giving me multiple lives, which I do not know how to glue together.


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